The Double Empathy Problem: Why Autistic and Neurotypical Communication Breaks Down

Bridgette Hamstead

Communication between autistic and non-autistic people has long been framed as a one-sided issue, with the assumption that autistic individuals struggle to understand social cues, interpret emotions, and engage effectively in conversations. Traditional models of autism have portrayed social difficulties as deficits inherent to autistic individuals, reinforcing the idea that autistic people must be trained to communicate more like neurotypicals in order to succeed. However, this perspective ignores a critical factor in human interaction: communication is always a two-way process. The double empathy problem challenges the outdated notion that autistic people are solely responsible for communication breakdowns and instead highlights the reality that neurotypical individuals also struggle to understand and relate to autistic experiences.

The double empathy problem, first proposed by autistic researcher Dr. Damian Milton, suggests that communication difficulties between autistic and non-autistic individuals arise from a mutual lack of understanding rather than from an inherent social deficit in autistic people. The theory argues that autistic individuals communicate effectively with each other, just as neurotypical individuals communicate effectively with one another. The breakdown occurs when these two groups interact, as both operate under different cognitive and social frameworks. Neurotypical individuals expect communication to follow a specific set of unwritten rules, such as indirect language, implied meanings, and reliance on tone, facial expressions, and eye contact. Autistic individuals, on the other hand, tend to communicate more directly, process language literally, and may not rely on traditional social cues in the same way. When these differing communication styles intersect, misunderstandings are common, leading to frustration and misinterpretation on both sides.

One of the primary ways the double empathy problem manifests is in differing expectations around social norms. Neurotypical social interactions often prioritize small talk, indirect language, and reading between the lines. Autistic individuals may struggle with these conventions, not because they lack the ability to engage in meaningful conversation, but because they value communication that is clear, direct, and information-driven. While a neurotypical person may expect someone to infer meaning from vague or indirect phrasing, an autistic person may require explicit clarity to fully understand what is being communicated. This difference can lead to misunderstandings, with autistic people being perceived as blunt or overly literal, while neurotypical people may be seen as unclear or unnecessarily complicated by their autistic counterparts.

Another significant aspect of the double empathy problem is the way emotions are expressed and interpreted. Many autistic individuals experience emotions deeply but may struggle to express them in ways that neurotypical people expect. Facial expressions, tone of voice, and body language may not always align with an autistic person's internal emotional state, leading neurotypical individuals to misinterpret their feelings. Conversely, autistic individuals often find it difficult to read neurotypical emotional expressions, particularly when emotions are communicated subtly or nonverbally. This can create a disconnect where both parties believe the other lacks empathy, when in reality, they are simply processing and expressing emotions differently. The assumption that autistic individuals lack empathy is particularly harmful, as research has shown that many autistic people experience intense emotional empathy, sometimes to the point of overwhelm. Rather than being indifferent to the emotions of others, many autistic individuals struggle with emotional regulation because they feel too much, not too little.

Sensory processing differences also play a crucial role in the double empathy problem. Autistic individuals often experience heightened or diminished sensory perceptions, which can impact the way they engage in social interactions. A neurotypical person may interpret lack of eye contact as a sign of disinterest or dishonesty, while an autistic individual may avoid eye contact because it is overstimulating or distracting. Similarly, an autistic person who is struggling with background noise, bright lights, or overwhelming sensory input may appear withdrawn or unresponsive, leading neurotypical individuals to mistakenly assume they are uninterested in the conversation. These sensory differences are rarely considered in discussions about communication difficulties, yet they are a significant factor in how autistic individuals engage with the world.

The consequences of the double empathy problem extend beyond individual misunderstandings and impact larger societal attitudes toward autism. Because neurotypical individuals hold the majority position in society, their communication styles are considered the default, while autistic ways of communicating are framed as deficient. This imbalance leads to widespread ableism, where autistic individuals are pressured to conform to neurotypical standards rather than having their own communication styles respected. In workplaces, schools, and social settings, autistic individuals are often expected to mask their natural ways of interacting in order to fit in, a process that can be exhausting and damaging to mental health. The expectation that autistic people should always accommodate neurotypical norms, while neurotypical individuals are rarely expected to meet autistic people halfway, reinforces inequality and further isolates autistic individuals.

Addressing the double empathy problem requires a fundamental shift in how society understands communication. Rather than placing the burden solely on autistic individuals to adapt, neurotypical people must also make an effort to understand and accommodate autistic communication styles. This includes recognizing that direct communication is not rude, that lack of eye contact is not a sign of dishonesty, and that sensory sensitivities can impact social engagement. Creating more inclusive environments means valuing diverse ways of thinking and interacting rather than forcing autistic individuals to conform to neurotypical expectations.

Autistic-led spaces provide a powerful example of how communication thrives when neurodivergent individuals are able to interact on their own terms. Many autistic individuals report feeling more comfortable, understood, and socially engaged when they are in communities with other autistic people. In these spaces, direct communication is the norm, sensory accommodations are built in, and there is no pressure to perform neurotypical social behaviors. The success of these communities challenges the misconception that autistic people inherently struggle with communication. Instead, it highlights that communication breakdowns occur because autistic and non-autistic individuals operate under different social and cognitive frameworks, not because autistic individuals are socially deficient.

Ultimately, the double empathy problem reveals the need for greater mutual understanding between autistic and neurotypical individuals. Communication should not be about forcing one group to conform to the other, but about finding ways to bridge differences and create meaningful connections. By recognizing that autistic people have valid and effective ways of communicating, we can begin to challenge the biases that frame autism as a communication disorder rather than a natural variation in human interaction. Moving forward, the goal should not be to "fix" autistic communication but to foster environments where all forms of communication are equally valued and respected.