What ‘Spoons’ Actually Mean & How to Manage Your Energy
Bridgette Hamstead
The concept of “spoons” is something many of us in the neurodivergent and disabled communities have come to rely on as a way to communicate our energy levels and limits. Originally introduced by Christine Miserandino in her essay “The Spoon Theory,” this metaphor helps describe the finite amount of energy we have to navigate daily tasks, interactions, and decisions. Each activity, whether it’s taking a shower, answering emails, going to work, or having a conversation, uses up a certain number of spoons. Once those spoons are gone, they’re gone. We can’t push through without consequences, and we can’t always “borrow from tomorrow” without risking physical or emotional burnout. For those of us who experience chronic fatigue, executive dysfunction, sensory overload, or mental health challenges, spoons become an essential way to understand and articulate our needs.
When you have a limited number of spoons each day, you begin to notice that even the smallest activities can carry weight. Something as seemingly simple as making a phone call or deciding what to eat can cost more than it appears to others. That cost isn’t just about time or physical movement. It’s about the emotional preparation, the cognitive load, the sensory processing, and the recovery time required before and after. For many of us, energy is not a renewable resource that replenishes fully overnight. We may wake up with fewer spoons depending on how we slept, whether we masked heavily the day before, how our body feels, or what kind of stress we are carrying. We don’t get to start the day at full capacity, and we don’t always have the option to rest when we’re depleted.
Understanding what spoons mean for you personally is one of the most important steps in learning how to manage your energy. Each of us has different thresholds, and what costs one person a spoon might cost another five. It is not about comparison. It is about tuning in to how your body and brain respond to various demands and learning to trust that those responses are valid. You may find that social events, even enjoyable ones, take more out of you than you expected. You may need more transition time between tasks or longer periods of recovery after stressful interactions. This is not laziness or avoidance. It is your body and mind asking for the care and space they need to function sustainably.
One of the challenges many of us face is that spoon management is often invisible to others. People may not understand why we cancel plans, decline invitations, or need to take breaks during the day. Without visible signs of disability or distress, we are often assumed to be fine and expected to operate like everyone else. This invisibility makes it harder to advocate for ourselves and to receive the accommodations or understanding we need. We are constantly navigating a balance between preserving our energy and managing the expectations of others. This pressure can lead to overextension, masking, and burnout if we’re not careful.
Managing your spoons requires intentional planning and a great deal of self-awareness. It means learning to say no without guilt, pacing yourself, and building rest and recovery into your daily rhythm. You might find it helpful to prioritize tasks in terms of energy cost rather than urgency. Some days, the most important thing you can do is nothing at all. Rest is not a reward for productivity. It is a vital part of energy management. Honoring your need for downtime, sensory relief, and quiet is just as important as anything you might check off a to-do list.
It is also essential to recognize that spoon management is not just a solo endeavor. When you have supportive people in your life who understand the concept, it becomes easier to set boundaries and ask for what you need. Being able to say “I don’t have the spoons for that today” and have that respected without explanation is a gift. Educating partners, family members, friends, and colleagues about what spoons mean can open the door to more affirming and accessible relationships. It can reduce the shame and isolation we often feel when we have to step back or cancel at the last minute. When people around us understand that energy is finite and fluctuating, they are more likely to support our choices rather than challenge them.
You may find it helpful to track your spoons for a few days or weeks to get a better sense of your patterns. Notice what types of activities leave you feeling drained and which ones help you recharge. Pay attention to sensory input, social dynamics, and your internal state before and after various tasks. This kind of reflection is not about self-judgment. It is about building a clearer picture of how your energy works so that you can make choices that support your well-being. Over time, you may begin to develop strategies that help you protect your spoons, such as using body doubling for executive function tasks, creating low-demand days, or automating routine decisions to conserve mental energy.
It is important to remember that spoon levels can be unpredictable. You might plan for a full day and wake up already depleted. That doesn’t make you unreliable or difficult. It makes you human, navigating a system that often demands more than it gives. Giving yourself permission to adjust plans and listen to your body is one of the most radical acts of self-care you can commit to. Energy conservation is not about avoiding life but about approaching it with the knowledge that your needs matter and that honoring them is what allows you to participate meaningfully, not just survive.
In a society that values constant productivity, managing your spoons is an act of resistance. It is a way of reclaiming your time, your energy, and your right to exist as you are. It challenges the belief that worth is tied to output and instead places value on sustainability, authenticity, and well-being. For those of us who have spent our lives pushing past limits, learning to recognize and respect those limits is a major shift. But it is one that opens the door to greater peace, deeper connection, and a life that honors our neurodivergent bodies and minds.
You do not have to justify your need for rest. You do not have to earn your right to say no. Your spoons are yours, and only you can decide how to spend them. And when you begin to protect them with care and intention, you give yourself the space to truly thrive.
Helpful Ways to Understand and Manage Your Spoons (Energy) as a Neurodivergent Person
Track Your Energy Patterns
Keep a simple log for a few days or weeks. Note what activities drain you, what replenishes you, and how many “spoons” you seem to start the day with. This can help you anticipate and prepare for high-energy-demand situations.Plan Around Your Capacity, Not Your Calendar
Before saying yes to something, ask yourself: “Do I have the spoons for this?” Try to make decisions based on your current capacity, not just your availability.Build in Recovery Time
After high-spoon-cost events like socializing, traveling, or intense work, plan quiet time for rest and decompression. Recovery is just as important as the activity itself.Set Boundaries Without Guilt
Practice saying things like “I wish I could, but I don’t have the energy today” or “I need to rest now so I can function later.” Your limits are valid.Create a Spoon-Saving Routine
Simplify daily decisions and routines where you can. This might mean wearing the same clothes, using the same meals, or automating small tasks to preserve executive function.Prioritize Low-Spoon Activities for Tough Days
Have a list of comforting, low-effort things you can do when energy is scarce—watching a familiar show, doodling, stimming, lying under a weighted blanket, or just sitting quietly.Communicate with Supportive People
Let trusted friends or partners know about spoon theory and how it helps you understand and manage your needs. It makes boundary-setting and asking for help easier.Allow Yourself to Cancel or Change Plans
Plans can feel like commitments, but honoring your energy levels sometimes means adjusting or stepping back. Flexibility is self-care, not flakiness.Limit Masking When Possible
Social masking drains a huge number of spoons. If you're safe to do so, reduce the effort spent on appearing neurotypical—it can dramatically ease your day.Use Tools That Help You Conserve Energy
This might include noise-canceling headphones, visual timers, meal delivery services, or communication aids. Using supports is smart, not a weakness.Let Go of Internalized Ableism
Feeling like you “should” be able to do more is often a reflection of societal expectations, not reality. Your body and brain deserve compassion, not judgment.Celebrate the Days You Use Your Spoons Well
It’s okay if your biggest accomplishment is listening to your needs and resting. That’s strength. That’s survival. That’s growth.
You don’t have to do it all. You just have to take care of yourself in the way that works for you. Your spoons are limited, precious, and yours to protect.