How to Self-Advocate When You’re Autistic, ADHD, or Both

Bridgette Hamstead

Self-advocacy is a crucial skill for autistic and ADHD individuals navigating a world that often overlooks or dismisses their needs. Advocacy is not just about fighting for accommodations but also about ensuring that personal well-being is prioritized in work, education, healthcare, and relationships. While advocating for oneself can be daunting, particularly in environments that are not designed with neurodivergent people in mind, developing strategies for self-advocacy can help create a more accessible and sustainable life. Effective self-advocacy requires understanding personal needs, communicating them clearly, setting boundaries, and finding ways to assert them without burnout.

Understanding personal needs is the first step in self-advocacy. Many autistic and ADHD individuals grow up in environments where their needs are invalidated or ignored, making it difficult to recognize and articulate them. Learning to identify sensory sensitivities, executive function challenges, communication preferences, and emotional regulation difficulties is essential. Recognizing that these needs are legitimate, rather than weaknesses, is crucial in building confidence when advocating for accommodations. Keeping track of common stressors and struggles through journaling or mental check-ins can help clarify what changes are necessary to function more effectively in different environments.

Communicating needs clearly and effectively is one of the biggest challenges in self-advocacy. Many neurodivergent individuals struggle with verbal communication, especially under stress or when faced with authority figures. Writing down key points before a conversation, using email instead of face-to-face discussions, or even having a script prepared can help in advocating more effectively. Providing specific examples of struggles and how accommodations would help can also make a stronger case. Rather than simply stating a need, explaining how an accommodation would increase productivity, reduce distress, or improve engagement can make requests more compelling to employers, teachers, or healthcare providers. Framing accommodations as mutually beneficial, rather than just personal preferences, can make it easier to get them implemented.

Navigating difficult conversations is an inevitable part of self-advocacy. Many neurodivergent individuals fear being dismissed, misunderstood, or labeled as difficult when advocating for themselves. Understanding the rights provided under disability laws such as the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) or Section 504 in educational settings can provide a foundation for advocacy. Knowing that one has a legal right to accommodations can make it easier to push back against resistance. However, legal rights alone do not always guarantee accessibility. When encountering resistance, staying calm, firm, and persistent is important. Sometimes, it may be necessary to escalate requests, involve a third party, or seek external support from advocacy organizations.

Asserting needs without burnout is one of the most difficult aspects of self-advocacy. Many autistic and ADHD individuals have been conditioned to prioritize the comfort of others over their own well-being, leading to guilt and exhaustion when asking for accommodations. Setting boundaries is essential to prevent advocacy fatigue. If repeated efforts to self-advocate result in hostility or dismissal, it may be necessary to step back and reassess whether a particular environment is sustainable. Self-advocacy should not come at the expense of mental health. Finding community support through neurodivergent-led groups, peer mentorship, and professional advocacy organizations can help reinforce the importance of advocating for oneself without feeling isolated in the process.

Another key aspect of self-advocacy is recognizing when accommodations are needed in personal relationships. Many neurodivergent individuals struggle with overstimulation, social exhaustion, or communication differences that can impact friendships and partnerships. Expressing needs in relationships can be challenging, but it is essential for maintaining healthy connections. This may involve explaining sensory sensitivities, requesting communication adjustments, or setting clear boundaries around social interactions. Self-advocacy in personal relationships is just as important as in professional settings, as emotional and social well-being is fundamental to overall mental health.

Self-advocacy is a skill that improves with practice and experience. It requires a balance between persistence and self-preservation, recognizing that while advocacy is essential, it is also draining. Some environments will be more accommodating than others, and knowing when to push for change versus when to remove oneself from an unsupportive setting is a crucial decision. Developing a support system of neurodivergent allies, disability rights groups, and affirming professionals can make the advocacy process less overwhelming. Learning how to advocate effectively can lead to more accessible environments, greater autonomy, and an improved quality of life.

The journey of self-advocacy is not easy, especially in a society that often fails to recognize neurodivergent needs as valid. However, advocating for accommodations, setting boundaries, and pushing for systemic change are vital steps in ensuring that autistic and ADHD individuals can thrive rather than just survive. By embracing self-advocacy as a necessary and empowering practice, neurodivergent individuals can carve out spaces where they are respected, accommodated, and valued for who they truly are.

Social Stories and Example Scripts for Self-Advocacy

Having a script or an example of what to say can make self-advocacy easier, especially in difficult conversations. Below are a few social stories and example scripts to use in various scenarios.

Asking for Workplace Accommodations

Scenario: You are struggling with sensory overload at work due to bright fluorescent lights and background noise.

What to Say: "I have sensory processing sensitivities that make it difficult for me to concentrate in bright lighting and noisy environments. I would like to request accommodations such as a desk lamp instead of overhead lighting and permission to use noise-canceling headphones to help me focus. These changes would allow me to be more productive and work more effectively."

Requesting Accommodations at School

Scenario: You have ADHD and find it difficult to complete exams within the standard time limit due to executive function challenges.

What to Say: "I have ADHD, which affects my ability to manage time and complete tasks quickly under pressure. I would like to request extended time on exams as an accommodation, as this would help me demonstrate my knowledge more accurately without the added stress of rushing."

Setting Boundaries in Relationships

Scenario: You are feeling overwhelmed by social interactions but don’t want to hurt a friend’s feelings by canceling plans.

What to Say: "I really value our friendship, but I am feeling overstimulated today and need some time to recharge. Can we reschedule for another day when I can be more present and engaged in our conversation? I appreciate your understanding."

Navigating Medical Appointments

Scenario: You are visiting a doctor who dismisses your sensory sensitivities as unimportant.

What to Say: "I need you to take my sensory sensitivities seriously. Bright lights, certain textures, and unexpected touch can be distressing for me. I would appreciate adjustments such as dimming the lights, providing clear explanations before touching me, and allowing extra processing time so I can participate in my healthcare decisions more effectively."

Having these scripts prepared can make difficult conversations easier and reduce the stress of self-advocacy. Practicing these conversations in low-pressure situations or writing them down beforehand can also help in advocating effectively when the time comes.