Internalized ableism in autistic adults develops from years of societal pressure to conform to neurotypical norms, leading to feelings of shame, guilt, and self-doubt about natural autistic traits. Many struggle with masking, burnout, and the belief that they must push through challenges without support, often blaming themselves rather than recognizing the systemic barriers that create these difficulties. Overcoming internalized ableism involves unlearning these harmful messages, embracing self-acceptance, and recognizing that autistic ways of thinking, communicating, and existing are valid and deserving of respect.

Ableism often hides in everyday conversations through well-meaning but dismissive comments like "Just try harder," "Everyone’s a little ADHD," or "You don’t seem autistic," which invalidate neurodivergent experiences and reinforce harmful stereotypes. These statements ignore the real struggles of autistic and ADHD individuals, downplay the need for accommodations, and pressure neurodivergent people to mask their differences. Challenging these subtle forms of ableism requires education, self-advocacy, and a shift in societal understanding so that neurodivergent individuals are respected and supported rather than dismissed or expected to conform.

Autistic people have always existed, but society has historically ignored, misinterpreted, or erased their presence by labeling them as eccentric, disabled, or socially deviant rather than recognizing their neurodivergence. Throughout history, autistic individuals have been revered in some cultures, institutionalized in others, and forced to conform to neurotypical standards, often at great personal cost. The modern rise in autism diagnoses does not mean autism is new, but rather that society is finally beginning to recognize and name the experiences of people who have always been here.

The phrase "You don’t look autistic" is harmful because it reinforces outdated stereotypes, dismisses the experiences of late-diagnosed and self-identified autistic adults, and implies that appearing non-autistic is preferable. Autism does not have a singular "look" or behavior, and many autistic individuals have spent years masking their traits to survive in a world that does not accommodate them. Instead of questioning or debating someone's autism, we should validate their experience, recognize the diversity of autistic presentations, and work toward a society that accepts all autistic people as they are.

The medical model of disability harms neurodivergent people by framing autism, ADHD, and other neurodivergent traits as deficits that need to be fixed rather than natural variations in human cognition. Shifting to the social model of disability recognizes that the real barriers neurodivergent individuals face come from inaccessible environments, rigid societal expectations, and a lack of accommodations rather than from their neurodivergence itself. By making workplaces, schools, medical care, public spaces, and social attitudes more inclusive, we can create a world where neurodivergent people are supported, valued, and able to thrive as their authentic selves.