Rethinking the ‘Autistic Social Skills Deficit’ Narrative: New Research & Perspectives
Bridgette Hamstead
For many years, the dominant narrative around autism has framed social differences as deficits, placing the burden on autistic individuals to conform to neurotypical communication styles. This perspective has led to an overwhelming emphasis on social skills training that prioritizes masking and imitation rather than fostering genuine connection. However, emerging research and lived experiences from autistic people themselves challenge this deficit-based approach. Instead of viewing autistic social skills as inherently lacking, it is more accurate and affirming to recognize them as different rather than deficient. Autistic communication styles are valid, meaningful, and deeply rooted in authenticity, even if they do not always align with neurotypical expectations.
The traditional view of autistic socialization assumes that autistic individuals struggle with social reciprocity, reading nonverbal cues, and engaging in typical conversational flow. While these differences exist, they are often misinterpreted as an inability rather than a divergence in communication style. Many autistic people engage in deep, meaningful conversations when given the opportunity to communicate in ways that feel natural to them. Autistic individuals often thrive in environments where they can connect through shared interests, parallel play, written communication, or structured social settings that provide clarity and predictability. The assumption that all social interaction must follow a neurotypical script ignores the ways that autistic people successfully build relationships and engage with others.
A significant issue with the deficit model of autistic social skills is that it often does not take into account the double-empathy problem. This concept suggests that difficulties in communication between autistic and non-autistic individuals are not solely due to autistic differences but are a two-way challenge. Non-autistic people also struggle to understand autistic communication styles, yet only autistic individuals are expected to adapt. This imbalance places an unfair burden on autistic people to bridge the gap while allowing neurotypical social norms to be seen as the default. When autistic people interact with one another, social difficulties often diminish because both parties share a common communication style. This suggests that the so-called social deficits may actually be mismatches in communication rather than inherent impairments.
Many autistic individuals have experienced social rejection, bullying, or exclusion due to differences in communication and social behavior. These experiences often lead to self-doubt, masking, and avoidance of social situations. Masking is the practice of suppressing natural autistic traits in order to fit in, which can be exhausting and harmful over time. Many autistic adults describe burnout as a result of years of masking, highlighting the emotional and cognitive toll of constantly monitoring one’s behavior to appear more socially acceptable. Rather than teaching autistic people to mimic neurotypical social norms at the expense of their well-being, a more affirming approach would be to create inclusive social environments where diverse communication styles are respected and understood.
Social skills interventions for autistic individuals have often been modeled after compliance-based therapies that prioritize eye contact, small talk, and scripted conversations. These interventions may help autistic individuals navigate neurotypical spaces, but they do not necessarily foster genuine connection or comfort in social settings. Teaching social skills should not be about forcing autistic people to behave in a way that feels unnatural to them. Instead, social development should focus on self-advocacy, understanding personal communication preferences, and finding social environments that accommodate neurodivergent needs. Communication should be a two-way street where both autistic and non-autistic individuals work toward mutual understanding rather than expecting one side to conform to the other.
A more affirming approach to social interaction for autistic individuals includes creating opportunities for social connection that are not based on rigid neurotypical expectations. This might include interest-based gatherings where shared passions provide a natural framework for interaction, online communities where written communication allows for processing time, or structured social events where expectations are clearly outlined in advance. Recognizing that autistic individuals often thrive in these types of environments challenges the assumption that they lack social skills. It is not a matter of inability but rather a need for settings that align with their communication styles.
As more autistic voices enter the conversation about social interaction, the need for a shift in perspective becomes clear. Autistic people are not inherently antisocial or uninterested in connection, but they often struggle in environments that are not designed for them. When given the space to communicate in ways that feel natural, autistic individuals can build strong, meaningful relationships. Moving away from the deficit model means recognizing and respecting different ways of socializing rather than pathologizing them. The goal should not be to fix autistic social skills but to foster environments where neurodivergent communication is seen as valid and valuable.
Rethinking the autistic social skills deficit narrative requires a shift in both research and societal attitudes. Instead of focusing solely on what autistic individuals struggle with in neurotypical spaces, more attention should be given to understanding autistic social strengths and preferences. Creating inclusive environments, promoting mutual understanding, and challenging ableist assumptions about communication will lead to a world where autistic people can engage socially without feeling pressured to conform to unrealistic expectations. When we move away from the idea that autistic social skills are inherently flawed, we open the door for more meaningful and authentic connections that celebrate neurodiversity rather than suppressing it.
Suggestions for a More Neuro-Affirming Approach to Autistic Socialization
Recognize and Respect Different Communication Styles – Understand that autistic people may communicate through direct speech, special interests, written formats, or body language that differs from neurotypical norms.
Move Away from the Deficit Model – Stop framing autistic social interaction as inherently flawed and instead acknowledge it as a different but equally valid way of engaging with others.
Encourage Mutual Understanding – Promote education about autistic communication styles among neurotypical people so that the burden of adapting is not placed solely on autistic individuals.
Create Interest-Based Social Spaces – Organize gatherings where people can engage around shared interests rather than relying on small talk or open-ended socialization.
Respect the Need for Processing Time – Allow autistic individuals to take their time in responding to conversations and avoid pressuring immediate engagement.
Reduce Masking Pressure – Encourage authenticity by creating environments where autistic individuals do not feel the need to suppress stimming, avoid special interests, or mimic neurotypical behavior.
Emphasize Autistic-Autistic Connection – Recognize that autistic people often communicate more naturally with each other and should have opportunities to engage in neurodivergent-led social spaces.
Provide Clear Social Expectations – Outline social norms explicitly in group settings to reduce uncertainty and anxiety.
Normalize Alternative Socialization Methods – Validate forms of connection such as parallel play, online communication, and structured activities that do not rely on traditional face-to-face conversation.
Challenge Traditional Social Skills Training – Shift away from teaching autistic people to mask or imitate neurotypical social norms and instead focus on self-advocacy and building confidence in authentic communication.
Support Online and Asynchronous Communication – Recognize that many autistic individuals thrive in digital spaces where they can engage at their own pace.
Encourage Self-Advocacy in Social Settings – Help autistic individuals feel empowered to express their needs and boundaries rather than forcing them into uncomfortable interactions.
Teach Neurotypical People to Adapt – Promote a two-way street where non-autistic individuals also learn to adjust their communication styles rather than expecting autistic people to do all the work.
Reduce Sensory Overload in Social Environments – Provide sensory-friendly spaces where autistic individuals can engage without being overwhelmed by noise, lights, or unpredictable stimuli.
Acknowledge the Emotional Toll of Masking – Validate that years of forced socialization and rejection have lasting effects, and support autistic individuals in unmasking at their own pace.
Promote Acceptance Over Compliance – Foster a culture where being social is a choice, not a requirement, and where autistic people are valued for who they are rather than how well they fit into neurotypical expectations.
Advocate for Autistic Representation in Research and Policy – Ensure that autistic voices are central in discussions about social communication and community inclusion.
Encourage the Reclamation of Autistic Identity – Help autistic individuals see their social and communication styles as strengths rather than something to be fixed.
Support Neurodivergent-Led Communities – Uplift autistic-led social spaces, organizations, and initiatives that focus on genuine connection rather than assimilation.
Listen to Autistic Voices – Prioritize lived experiences and personal insights from autistic individuals over outdated research and assumptions about what social success should look like.