The Blog
We Are Not Your Project: Autistic People Deserve Relationships, Not Fixers
This article explores how autistic people are often treated as self-improvement projects by partners, therapists, and family members, rather than being accepted as whole, complex individuals. It critiques the ways in which support becomes conditional on progress or compliance with neurotypical norms, leading to harm, disconnection, and internalized shame. The piece calls for relationships rooted in mutual respect, consent, and radical acceptance—where autistic people are not fixed, but genuinely seen and valued.
Grieving the Years You Lost to Not Knowing You Were Autistic
This article explores the unique grief that many late-diagnosed autistic adults experience as they come to understand how much of their lives were shaped by not knowing their true neurodivergent identity. It reflects on the relationships, opportunities, and self-understanding that were lost or distorted due to years of masking, misdiagnosis, and internalized shame. Through this grief, the article also offers space for healing, self-recognition, and the possibility of reclaiming a more authentic life.
Disordered or Disabled or Neither: Questioning the Pathologizing Language of Diagnosis
This article challenges the deficit-based language used in clinical diagnoses of autism and ADHD, which often frames neurodivergent people as disordered rather than different. It explores the tension between needing a diagnosis for access and support while resisting the harmful impacts of pathologizing frameworks. The piece advocates for affirming, context-aware understandings of neurodivergence that center lived experience, dignity, and agency.
Rethinking the ‘Autistic Social Skills Deficit’ Narrative: New Research & Perspectives
The idea that autistic people have a social skills deficit is rooted in outdated and neurotypical-centered perspectives that fail to recognize the validity of autistic communication styles. Instead of forcing autistic individuals to conform to neurotypical norms, a more neuro-affirming approach acknowledges that autistic socialization is different, not deficient, and thrives in environments that accommodate diverse ways of connecting. By fostering mutual understanding, reducing masking pressure, and creating inclusive social spaces, we can challenge the deficit narrative and support autistic people in forming meaningful, authentic relationships on their own terms.
Self-Diagnosis vs. Formal Diagnosis: Why Both Are Valid and Necessary
Self-diagnosis and formal diagnosis are both valid paths to understanding neurodivergence, with formal diagnosis providing medical recognition and access to accommodations, while self-diagnosis is often necessary due to systemic barriers in healthcare. Many individuals, especially women, nonbinary people, and people of color, struggle to receive formal diagnoses due to biases, financial costs, and lack of trained professionals. Rather than dismissing self-diagnosis, the focus should be on making diagnosis more accessible, challenging medical biases, and ensuring all neurodivergent individuals receive the validation and support they need.
How to Talk to Family Members Who Dismiss Your Diagnosis or Self-Identification
Many neurodivergent individuals face dismissal from family members when sharing their diagnosis or self-identification, often due to misinformation, internalized ableism, or cultural stigma. This article explores strategies for navigating these conversations, including providing factual information, setting firm boundaries, and recognizing when disengagement is necessary for self-preservation. Ultimately, seeking validation from supportive communities and embracing self-acceptance can be more empowering than trying to change the minds of unwilling family members.
The Role of Identity in the Autistic Experience: Why Finding a Label Can Be Life-Changing
Finding and embracing an autistic identity can be a transformative experience, providing clarity, self-acceptance, and a sense of belonging, whether through formal diagnosis or self-identification. Many autistic individuals face barriers to diagnosis and validation, making community connections and self-advocacy essential in navigating identity development. Understanding autism as an integral part of oneself can improve mental health, reduce masking, and allow individuals to redefine success on their own terms.